Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
