Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
