i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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