I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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