Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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