How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
