when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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