well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
