smell my finger.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
