if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
