We won't sleep together?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
