Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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