I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
