i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
