the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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