Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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