So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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