And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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