I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
