You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
