One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
