just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Where is the hickey?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
