I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
