did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
