She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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