This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
