My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
