They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
