and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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