I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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