he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
