last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
