I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
