Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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