Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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