What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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