The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
