The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
