I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
