I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I forget how to act sober
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