): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
