dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
