Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There are leaves in my underwear?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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