If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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