My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
