why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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