His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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