Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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