woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
