So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They have beer where we have blood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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