how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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