So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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