I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
