Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize