Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
