I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
