This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
