it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
