Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
