why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we have pet lesbian snakes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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