I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
