Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
