Duck Duck Cougar?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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