Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
