i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
