shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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