Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
