if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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