Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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