Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
