I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we made out on top of his cat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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