Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
