nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
