i was rollin on her like bob the builder
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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