Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
