Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
