Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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