someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
