Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
