It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
