Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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