Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
