what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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