don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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