glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
