I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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